At A Turning Point

Right now, I’m sitting on my couch in the living room of my bright, roomy Toronto apartment that I’ve been in on my own for the last year and a bit. I’m home from my day at my well paying career job that I’ve been at since I moved to Ontario at 22 years old.

Right now, I’m reflecting on all the good things I’ve got going on, but at the same time how unhappy I’ve been. And how lonely it is being here.

And, arguably the most important part – right now, I’m surrounded by half packed boxes, and a stressed out dog.

Now, let’s rewind a bit. I’ve been through a lot in the past couple years, and for the most part, my job has been all I’ve had. I’ve not got family here – they are all back in New Brunswick. Sure, I’ve got some great friends, but it’s not the same.

I don’t exactly know what happened, but sometime last year, I seemingly lost the will to try to get better. I got stuck in a rut. I’ve pretty much been on a cycle of work, walk the dog, SkipTheDishes, sleep, repeat. I’ve got to get out of it. And I knew it would have to be a drastic change to do so.

I’m a believer that all intentional change is for the better – because, if something was driving you to change it, clearly something was wrong. So, with that, a few months ago I started to change my life for the better – by putting in my resignation at work, and planning to move home.

This brings us back to now. My last day of work is tomorrow. My couch will be in the dump by the weekend (shout out to the stressed out dog I mentioned earlier). And by Monday, I’ll be on the drive back home.

To tell you this is the weirdest feeling is an understatement. I’ve lived my whole adult life here, surrounded by the same people. It’s weird to think that that’s changing in a matter of days. My whole life as I know it is changing.

Now, I know I sound ungrateful, and maybe I am. I’ve had great opportunity here, and I’ve been very lucky. But money, career – I’m not sure that that is it for me. And that’s scary, because for most of my life that’s what I thought I wanted. I don’t have a job lined up, and really, I don’t know what kind of job I’d want if I’m being honest with myself.

Do I know what I’m doing next? No. Is it crazy to change my whole life at 28? Probably. Have I been taking a lot of L-Theanine? Absolutely.

I’m lucky in the sense that I’m moving back to my Grandparents house. I am taking a risk, but I’ve got a safe place to land. But all I can say is right now, I’m terrified.

I have faith this was the right decision. Worst case, it doesn’t work out and I try again somewhere else (that’s probably the l-Theanine talking).

Now, I know what you’re thinking. What does a practically 30 year old do the night before her whole life changes?

Get in the car, pick up a DQ Blizzard, have an emotional breakdown while listening to One Direction’s 2012 album “Take Me Home”, come home and start a blog.

Obviously.

So, if you’re reading this – thank you – maybe you are in the same boat as me. Maybe you’re a 22 year old contemplating their first big life decision. Maybe you just really love ice cream and boy bands. Either way, I hope you join me on what I can only imagine is going to be a wild ride to get my life back together.

Oh – this is my girl Georgia. For the record. She’s not always stressed. She’s just concerned about the boxes.

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