November 1st is one of my favourite days of the year.
I love Christmas. Most notably, Christmas music.
I am borderline obsessed with Mariah Carey’s Christmas album.
In my mind, Halloween is simply a barrier between me, and all the things I love.
I also have heartburn right now, but that’s not related. I’m just in a sharing mood.
Yep, I’m one of those people. There is only one night of the year that I will purposely stay up til midnight and that is Halloween. Not for the festivities, or because I’m all dressed up to go to a spooky party or anything. Nope. Because at midnight it becomes November 1st. November 1st means it’s Christmas music time. In fact, last week when I was invited to a Halloween party, I declined because they were not willing to play me Mariah Carey at midnight. Yes, I am having trouble making friends in my new city. Why do you ask?
Outside of Halloween, October is alright (I guess). I do love the changing of seasons from summer to fall – I’m a sweaty individual, summer is not a good time. Fall also means I don’t have to shave my legs as often, and that’s a next level bonus. And, I love watching the leaves change colours on the trees. But, for the most part, I breeze over October in my life. Speed through it as fast as possible – get me to Mariah season.
This October was different than my usual. A lot went down this year. And unfortunately, a couple things that I would have liked to have happen, didn’t. There was, however, a common theme through all of these happenings: I am a hot mess. So, I thought now would be as good time as ever to have a little catch up sesh. You know, before I bombard you all with Christmas content. So let’s chat, shall we?
Here’s the thing – I have anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and more often than I like to admit, these two mix together and create a nice little cocktail called depression (starting today’s post off on a fun note here). Over the years, I’ve found myself looking up different approaches to dealing with these which has always led me to some variety of “self care”.
Now, for me, I’ve always taken self care tips with a grain of salt. Especially as “self care” has become more of a mainstream activity, and it seems as though people are using it almost as an excuse for any behaviours outside of their normal. Which to be fair could stem from me having used it to justify eating too many red velvet cupcakes, and also the six step skin care routine I dropped several hundred dollars on at Sephora last year. Did either of these things better my mental health? Definitely not. Could they for others – maybe.
Self care is incredibly important to me – despite what you are probably thinking after that last paragraph – when done in the true essence of self care. This being to set time aside to sit with yourself, process your emotions and thoughts, and spending time doing things that serve you. For me this means meditating twice a day and filling in my eyebrows, but for others it can mean a wide gamut of things – bubble baths, shaving your legs, watching a marathon on Netflix while drinking a bottle of rosé, what have you. Debatably, the most common form of self care out there (if we’re going off Pinterest tips here) is journaling. Which you’d think I’d be all over, considering the fact that I blog now, and it is practically the exact definition of what I said self care is at the top of this paragraph. But, no. I’ve always thought journaling was a crock of shit.
That was, of course, until I bought a journal a couple months ago.
We all know the saying “time heals all”. And this might be true with, say, a broken heart or a busted leg. But have you ever been so embarrassed that changed who you are as a person? That shit stays with you, man.
While I was at work earlier, the radio was playing – innocently enough – the 2002 Matchbox 20 classic “Unwell”. Let me tell you, that song was my jam. This is saying a lot as we all know that 2002-2004 had some of the best music of all time (okay, I may be the only one who thinks that). Unfortunately now, it makes me think back to one of the most ill advised decisions I’ve ever made – joining a singing competition.
If you caught my first couple posts, you know that I left a pretty serious job in the big city a couple months ago to move closer to my family. And if you don’t know, now you know (shoutout Biggie).
The move, really, has been great. However, finding a job proved difficult. Especially in the same field as I was working in before – which, to be completely transparent, on paper I was pretty much not qualified for in the first place. I also don’t know that my energy was in the right place to allow me to find work, because I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my career – the universe can’t help with unclear intentions. I’ll save that talk for a different day. Moral of the story, I decided to take a part time retail job in the meantime while I figure my shit out.
Little back story. I have never worked in retail before in my life. Weird, right? It seems like everyone has some sort of experience in that realm at some point – be it a store or fast food, something to do with customers. Not me. My first job in high school was at a martial arts studio, where I worked in the office and also taught classes (I’m tough, don’t worry about it). After university, I did some bookkeeping work, and other office-y things before eventually getting into my Project Management career (the one I left). Please note, not a single ounce of this had to do with the Political Science degree I have.
My grandparents are currently on vacation overseas (hard life), and while they’re away, I was tasked with the very important job of buying tickets for the lottery. Of course I – being the caring and loving granddaughter that I am – agreed to this without hesitation… once my percentage of the winnings was agreed upon, that is.
Ah yes, the first day of fall. It’s the most wonderful time of the year… for Starbucks. The leaves on the trees are changing from green to orange, and our layers from crop tops to flannel. Patio drinks? Not today. It’s time to unleash our inner Marthas and prepare as many apple baked goods as our Pinterest boards will allow. And while they are baking, why don’t you turn on the TV. You’ll be scared shitless by the spooky movie commercials – but hey, at least they aren’t the sappy holiday ones that are just around the corner!
I love the fall. Mostly due to it’s proximity to winter (the BEST season – fight me), but I do love a good pumpkin patch moment. I’ve also become more interested in ghoulish things in my 28th year of life, so I’m starting to get the appeal of Halloween. More than anything else though, the first day of fall marks the end of something that is truly evil – summer.
Listen – I know that in a traditional ranking of seasons, summer ranks pretty high for most people. But with the combination of my insecurities and the fact that heat makes me a completely different (and significantly more angry) person… let’s just say I’d take a blizzard over it any day.
Here I am! I made it! My job back in Toronto is officially behind me, and my belongings are all in a trailer in my grandparents driveway in a new province.
Let me tell you, it still feels weird, and – especially on the job front – like I’m just on vacation (a vacation I packed way too much for, apparently).
For the last six years, I lived, basically, for my job. I was on 24/7. I always had my work phone on me. Even on vacation. So it’s a strange feeling not having it – not having to be ready to solve problems at any second of the day. I’m sure in time this will be nice, but right now, it’s like part of me is missing.
Right now, I’m sitting on my couch in the living room of my bright, roomy Toronto apartment that I’ve been in on my own for the last year and a bit. I’m home from my day at my well paying career job that I’ve been at since I moved to Ontario at 22 years old.