If you’ve been around the blog for a while, you know I have a tendency to be into some unconventional shit. (That sounds a lot sketchier than I mean it. Just, you know, some less ~mainstream~ things) Early last year, this landed me on what I like to call “Spooky Jess”. Spooky Jess spends her time watching ghost hunting shows and trying to convince her friends to go on ghost tours – keeping in mind here that my biggest fear is legitimately ghosts so how any of that makes sense, I will never know. Spooky Jess is also super into all of the witchy business like crystals, full moon rituals and most prominently, tarot pick a card videos on YouTube.
I’m not kidding when I say I spent a solid half of my summer last year watching tarot pick a card readings. I just found them so interesting. I mean, I was also at a point in my life where I had no clear direction, so watching a video that told me everything was going to be okay brought me some solace. I’ve also convinced myself several times that I have a secret admirer, because I keep watching “Does Your Crush Like You” videos, and he definitely does even though I really don’t have a crush. I could talk about YouTube tarot all day, but that isn’t the point of today’s post! No, today, we’re talking about the fact that these videos stopped doing it for me so I went and got a deck of my own!
So there’s this guy, right? He’s a musician. You know him from open mics, and other gigs he does around town. He’s impossibly talented, and the most charming person you’ve ever witnessed. He’s gorgeous – but not in a “I try so hard on my look” kind of way, but sort of accidentally. Let’s call it a happy little accident.
I always thought I wanted stability. A stable career, stable relationships – a stable life. But, thinking about this earlier (in the shower – you know, where all the best thoughts emerge), stability is not at all what I want. The stable life that I’ve been trying to manifest would not, in practicality, fulfill me at all. I should have known this all along, really (Sagittarius squad, what’s up). But it’s what I thought I wanted – stability, as I imagined it, would be the thing that eased my anxiety. All this time spent trying to manifest stability, and not once did I really sit down and think about it.
And Ten Other Things That Are Getting Me Through This December
Hi, everyone. My name is Jess and I am an Marshmallow Santa addict. There is just something about those cheap, dark chocolate covered marshmallow blobs that bear absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to the advertised shape of a Santa that I really cannot get enough of. Seriously. I’ve had one every day this December, and some days (ahem, today) I’ve had several. Is it the worst problem to be encountering this month? Definitely not. Really, when you think about it, December is arguably the most stressful month of the year. So if I want to consume more marshmallow than vegetables, what are you gonna do about it? Self care, man! (Except absolutely not at all. Please Future Jess, eat some damn vegetables)
Now, no one panic. Today’s post is not going to be about all the nutrients that I am most definitely lacking right now (I’ll save that for January) – instead, I want to look at ten other (arguably healthier) things that have been helping me get through this month.
2019, man. What a journey. At it’s best, it was a year of incredible self discovery – a year of reinvention, of returning to my roots, and re-prioritizing what is important to me. At it’s worst, it was a whole heap of agonizing life-changing decisions, soul crushing job searching, and pretty solidly some of my lowest depressions I’ve ever gone through. (What a fun and uplifting way to start this post!) Good news – I’m not here to dwell on that (I did that a couple weeks ago). Nope. Today, I’m looking ahead. It’s 2020 time, baby! This post is going to be a run-down of the six things that I’m going to be doing next year to make sure I’m the version of me that I want to be – the me I lost track of over the past couple years. Sound good? Let’s go, then!
Here’s the thing – I have anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and more often than I like to admit, these two mix together and create a nice little cocktail called depression (starting today’s post off on a fun note here). Over the years, I’ve found myself looking up different approaches to dealing with these which has always led me to some variety of “self care”.
Now, for me, I’ve always taken self care tips with a grain of salt. Especially as “self care” has become more of a mainstream activity, and it seems as though people are using it almost as an excuse for any behaviours outside of their normal. Which to be fair could stem from me having used it to justify eating too many red velvet cupcakes, and also the six step skin care routine I dropped several hundred dollars on at Sephora last year. Did either of these things better my mental health? Definitely not. Could they for others – maybe.
Self care is incredibly important to me – despite what you are probably thinking after that last paragraph – when done in the true essence of self care. This being to set time aside to sit with yourself, process your emotions and thoughts, and spending time doing things that serve you. For me this means meditating twice a day and filling in my eyebrows, but for others it can mean a wide gamut of things – bubble baths, shaving your legs, watching a marathon on Netflix while drinking a bottle of rosé, what have you. Debatably, the most common form of self care out there (if we’re going off Pinterest tips here) is journaling. Which you’d think I’d be all over, considering the fact that I blog now, and it is practically the exact definition of what I said self care is at the top of this paragraph. But, no. I’ve always thought journaling was a crock of shit.
That was, of course, until I bought a journal a couple months ago.
If you caught my first couple posts, you know that I left a pretty serious job in the big city a couple months ago to move closer to my family. And if you don’t know, now you know (shoutout Biggie).
The move, really, has been great. However, finding a job proved difficult. Especially in the same field as I was working in before – which, to be completely transparent, on paper I was pretty much not qualified for in the first place. I also don’t know that my energy was in the right place to allow me to find work, because I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my career – the universe can’t help with unclear intentions. I’ll save that talk for a different day. Moral of the story, I decided to take a part time retail job in the meantime while I figure my shit out.
Little back story. I have never worked in retail before in my life. Weird, right? It seems like everyone has some sort of experience in that realm at some point – be it a store or fast food, something to do with customers. Not me. My first job in high school was at a martial arts studio, where I worked in the office and also taught classes (I’m tough, don’t worry about it). After university, I did some bookkeeping work, and other office-y things before eventually getting into my Project Management career (the one I left). Please note, not a single ounce of this had to do with the Political Science degree I have.
Welcome to October, everybody! Spooky season is here! The skeletons are out to play, and pumpkins have become more menacing. It’s the time where ghosts and creepy clowns have their moment in the spotlight. In honor of the scary season, I wanted to talk about, and learn more about, my biggest fear:
Yes – aliens. I know what you’re thinking – aliens are so September. Especially with the Area 51 raid. But, that’s exactly why I want to write about them today. Because I ignored the raid completely, and now I feel out of touch.
I’ve heard a lot about Area 51 over the years, as you can imagine, but I never paid any attention to it. This was for one pretty major reason – I AM TERRIFIED OF ALIENS. I’m not kidding when I say they are my biggest fear. Irrational, maybe. But I’m so afraid of them, that at one point when I was younger and I hadn’t slept for days after my friends made me watch the movie Signs, my dad (out of sheer frustration) had to say to me (and I quote): “JESS. Out of the billions of people in this world, you really think the aliens are going to come for you?”. Which, now is the most hilarious parenting moment I can think of. And he probably had a point, honestly. If I was an alien, I’m going straight for government officials and billionaires. Probably not 12 year olds in the middle of nowhere Canada. But, I can’t say it helped the fear much.
With that in mind, you can imagine the lengths I went to to avoid ANY talk about aliens over the years. This became practically impossible when earlier this year, the internet seemed to explode over the idea that everyone was going to storm Area 51 in September and find what the US government has been hiding from us. Now that the raid’s over and no aliens were found (thank God. I would have been pissed if they did, honestly. I can’t imagine how I’d live my life with concrete proof that they exist), I figured it was as good of a time as ever to sacrifice a night (or a couple) of sleep, and get myself in the know about what the big deal is with Area 51. Without further ado, let’s get this over with shall we?
My grandparents are currently on vacation overseas (hard life), and while they’re away, I was tasked with the very important job of buying tickets for the lottery. Of course I – being the caring and loving granddaughter that I am – agreed to this without hesitation… once my percentage of the winnings was agreed upon, that is.
Ah yes, the first day of fall. It’s the most wonderful time of the year… for Starbucks. The leaves on the trees are changing from green to orange, and our layers from crop tops to flannel. Patio drinks? Not today. It’s time to unleash our inner Marthas and prepare as many apple baked goods as our Pinterest boards will allow. And while they are baking, why don’t you turn on the TV. You’ll be scared shitless by the spooky movie commercials – but hey, at least they aren’t the sappy holiday ones that are just around the corner!
I love the fall. Mostly due to it’s proximity to winter (the BEST season – fight me), but I do love a good pumpkin patch moment. I’ve also become more interested in ghoulish things in my 28th year of life, so I’m starting to get the appeal of Halloween. More than anything else though, the first day of fall marks the end of something that is truly evil – summer.
Listen – I know that in a traditional ranking of seasons, summer ranks pretty high for most people. But with the combination of my insecurities and the fact that heat makes me a completely different (and significantly more angry) person… let’s just say I’d take a blizzard over it any day.