What If Everything Turns Out Better Than You Ever Imagined?

The Universe, man. It really is a funny character. With how things are going in my life lately, it’s honestly like the Universe is dangling exactly what I want in front of me, and snatching it away before I could get to it – like a constant stream of “oh, bitch you thought!”. I understand this sounds negative, but I really don’t look at it that way. To me, every “missed opportunity” or “missed connection” is simply the Universe moving that thing out of the way to make room for what you really need, when you’re ready to receive it. Now, the Universe must think I’m a good sport because it’s really been teasing me – but, every time it does, it’s like it follows it up with exactly why it did and I can’t help but laugh about it.

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Twenty Nine

Happy Birthday to me! I’m presently eating candy for breakfast like the grown ass woman I am. And as I sit here, I’m reflecting on the last year of my life, remembering how tough it was on me. It was one of the most trying years I’ve ever had. It was filled with some of the darkest times – the most gut wrenching and hopeless – that I’ve ever gone through. I’ve made several difficult and life changing decisions. I’ve also made some of my biggest mistakes and some of my biggest fears were realized. But as I sit here now, I’m wondering to myself – do I give a shit about all that? Is any of that worth the energetic toll to keep carrying it around with me?

To say that how I’m feeling right now is shocking is an understatement. I’ve always been one of those people that carry their hurt around like a personality trait. “I’m not good enough because X person said this about me in 2004”, or “Karma is going to catch up to me for X mistake so it’s best that I don’t get my hopes up”. Not that I’m overly open about this, mind you. This, like all of our most positive and reaffirming thoughts, solely comes out in conversations only with myself. A self that I’ve been trying really hard lately to heal – and I think today is a breakthrough in that.

I don’t give a shit anymore about the experiences of hurt that I’ve had in the past 29 years. I don’t give a shit about the word for word, detail for detail, re-enactments of those moments that I’ve been playing out in my head for so long – sorry but those recordings are burnt out.

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